Last week I mentioned that October come early. Only to be met with puzzled faces. But it's true, October has come, and it's not even September.

For the past 8 years, October has become less like a month and more like a season. It starts with knowing that something is wrong. And then come the constant tears. And then I realize that I really just want my Dad. A feeling that just goes on and on. Through October, and Thanksgiving, his birthday, Christmas, New Years, my birthday. And then slowly fades away, just as it came into being.

And I never knew that I could miss someone this much. Or that I could want something so bad. A dad. My dad.

But as much as I want his eyes looking into mine and my arms wrapped up in his, this is as close as I can get.